A Son's Confusion
by Firewolfe
Summary: Spock Wonders at his father Sarek's Pride in Saavik and how she will now fit into his personal Life. Amanda See that Sarek has a plan for this young officer and is well pleased with it.
1. Chapter 1

-1Disclaimer: Star Trek in all its forms belongs to the corporations and others. No profit will be made by this fan fiction by others or me. It may not be bought or sold. This is just for our enjoyment and to tie up loose ends that drove me crazy.

Rating : R ( References to extreme Violence)

Archive: Selek Yes anyone else just let me know where.

Summary: Pride in accomplishments makes certain Vulcans acknowledge their feelings. A companion Piece to A Father's pride and Joy. Spock's POV.

IDIC- Solutions: Series Part III

12-19-06

A Son's Confusion

Rating :R - See above notes

Captain Spock watched the ceremony with a certain pride and pleasure. He of course hid his joy and sense of great pride behind his "Vulcan Mask"

He would however admit to himself if no one else his sense of Pride. _While Pride was an emotion in this case his reasons were logical and in fact the cause was more then sufficient. His Metee or Protégée as humans would call it was graduating second in her class from Star Fleet Academy. _  
While many might consider second place to be a losing proposition Spock did not. _He watched as the well formed young woman walked with great confidence and perhaps a certain arrogance across the stage. He suppressed a smile at her long confident strides. Saavik of Vulcan as she was know had never even in her earliest days had never lacked confidence or presence. _  
Spock would admit to few that he had from the first been drawn to this girl-child. _Yes, as much as the humans may consider Saavik and adult at 20 she was still very much a child by Vulcan standards. He almost did smile at that thought as he to had graduated from this very institution at 21. He had felt so very grow up how little he had known.  
_  
Spock looked over and noted his venerable father Sarek of Vulcan "The Ambassador" was watching with unrestrained pride. This illogical action confused his son deeply. _Spock recalled his own graduation day and his deep hope that his father would be present. He had been disappointed in this. He to control that painful memory because it had been a joyful day for him in all other regards. His mentor Admiral T'Pol had been present as had his Mother Amanda Grayson and her family. He too had placed second in his class_.

_Perhaps that was the source of pride that despite the trials she had endured Saavik strong will and determination had allowed her to excel and to equal his own humble accomplishments_. _He was the first to admit that Saavik's achievement was far greater then his own. Spock knew he had been the one with every advantage from his earliest conception. He had the best minds in the Federation and on Vulcan work to help create his life. A life he knew both his parents cherished despite their differences in option over his career. For surly the opposite of love was hate_.  
_He knew Sarek hated his career and he often thought by extension himself. His mother Amanda said this was not so but sometimes in his weakest moments Spock had to wonder? Spock watched as Sarek showed pride in Saavik. Why could it not have been the same for him? Or even simple acceptance? Spock forced those thoughts aside as he watched the one person who had always accepted him for himself receive her honors. from the very first this child had been there for him. Saavik had never thought of him as lacking. She had from their first meeting been his staunches defender_.  
He smiled as he recalled how a then ten year old Saavik had saved his life. _Of course she might be older or younger it was hard to tell but she had been so young. He could not and would not say innocent because like all the children of hell guard that precious quality had been ripped away by her Romulan Captors. Saavik had fought for ever breath, ever scrape of food she consumed. She had to kill and eat meat to survive. When he had meet her she had been more savage then sentient.  
_  
While Spock had been created to be a symbol of unity for his father and mother Saavik and the other children had been created by rape and torture to spit the already divided Romulan and Vulcan peoples further apart still.

Spock knew he had been created in a laboratory but his creation was a gift from his father to his mother. _Sarek could easily have sought or insisted on a surrogate for his heir but it was a measure of his devotion to his bond and his very human wife that he had ordered the best minds to find a way for his Vulcan and Amanda's human DNA to create a viable being. Spock knew his mother well. She loved him he had no doubts about that but her devotion to her husband would have allowed her to bow to his desires had he wanted a full Vulcan child. He knew this single act his conception had given Sarek the last hold on his human wife. Amanda had loved Sarek before his birth but after it was even more ingrained. Spock had no real illusions his mother would never survive the lose of his father. She could survive his demise. It would hurt her deeply but as long as she had Sarek she would be fine. _ He shuttered as his mind drifted back to the Babel Mission. _He had seen first hand how devoted she was. She would have risked the entire diplomatic mission and the Enterprise to Save Sarek. There had been no other task she deemed as important as saving Sarek. He remembered the blow she had delivered to his face. He had on one level been deeply hurt ,.but on an other he did understand. Amanda had always assumed she would die first. Faced with a differing scenario she was afraid and lost. She looked to him to be the key to saving his father's life. In the end he had done that. He sighed as he put the past away it had no place here.  
_  
His thoughts drifted back to his Saavik.  
_  
Saavik had fought her way to being accepted. She had resisted and then accepted help. She never was one to follow blindly. He recalled the myriad of questions._

Flashback…

"Spock why is the Sky blue here on Earth? Why is it red on Vulcan?"

"Spock why am I stronger then those boys? Are not boys supposed to be stronger then girls?"

"Saavik the sky is blue or red because of the way the light is filtered and the nature of the light from the differing types of suns. "

"Saavik you are Vulcan/Romulan"

"Am not! Not a Romulan!!!" She would shout. Her body tensed and angry.

Calmly Spock would begin again. "Now Saavikam listen to me. Vulcan's and Romulans are of the same blood. We are brothers and sisters. "

Saavik stopping her tirade at once to say: "You not my broter Spock. You are not my father neither!"

He raise a brow "No , I am not your brother or father Saavik."

The child looked at him strangely and smiled.

He heard a chuckle and watched as his mother and Sarek come in.

"What Spock means child ,is that while humans boys/ males have many fine qualities Vulcan's and even Romulan's have greater strength." Amanda explained.

"No like human boys. They laugh at me!!! I hit!!" Saavik said."Humans is stupid!"

Sarek had raised a brow. "Now Saavik it is not the boys fault they lack emotional control. They are children and even Vulcan children must learn control. Humans have many fine individuals. Look to T'Amanda as a guide to what a good human must be."

"Thanks Sarek now I am a role model for humanity?" Amanda said chuckling.

"You are the best most logical human there is my wife."

"Why is that Sarek?"

"Because you bonded with me." Sarek replied with a straight face.

Spock had been slightly shocked at this teasing display and not to pleased with either of his parents. What example were they setting for the impressionable Saavik?

"What good qualities T'Manda? " Saavikl asked

"Yes my wife what fine qualities do you like in Human Males.?" Sarek asked.

Amanda giggled "They are not perfect. Unlike their Vulcan counterparts."

Sarek's brow had raised with amusement.

Spock had to look away he felt so outside his parents circle.

Saavik walked to his side and took his hand.

"Spock I sorry I hit stupid boys."

He looked down. " I know Saavik I am certain the cause was sufficient." He excused her faults because no one had excused his own.

Back to the present…

He watched as Saavik came toward him now to give the traditional salute. He spotted Sarek beaming with a father's pride. He did not begrudge this because in many ways Sarek had helped raise Saavik.

Spock once more looked up again and was suddenly struck by how mature she looked. _She was by far the perfect Vulcan female. Grace and beauty in a most lethal package. He could see no spare fat on her frame only solid muscle and the grace of a lematya. It was as if life had forged Saavik into the perfect foil for himself. He watched her come to him and realized he would have to burry this realization this sudden longing and need. It was not fair to burden Saavik with his wants, needs and desires. It was enough he would remain her mentor and father figure. If Saavik guessed at his longing she was just enough Romulan to come to him as a payment of honor. That he could never stand. No she had to be free to find love and happiness. Yes, he wanted those emotional gifts for her. He was enough of her father to want a man who would be perfect for her. Spock knew himself well he had a list of failings. He would never be worthy of one as unique and special as Lt. Saavik of Vulcan.  
_  
Spock saluted her sharply and took the traditional gold and silver coin from her hand. _He would wear it close to his heart but Saavik would never know he had fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with her.  
_  
--------------

Across the forum Sarek watched this scene unfold and smiled.

Sarek looked at Spock thinking. _I am proud of them both. If only they would unite and make our house strong and viable again. _

Sarek resolved to assist them after all it was only logical that both his pride and his joy be one house and one person a family.

"Saavik be perfect for Spock." Amanda said

"I concur and so it shall be."

-----------------------------------------------

Spock and Saavik spoke with Captain Kirk and Dr. Mc Coy as they discussed the ceremony. All of them unaware that this day was the beginning of a new family line.

Fini for the moment…

Authors Notes: Stand alone story the fini for now is because it ends this character POV. This is part of the IDIC - Solutions thread. Part III if you will.

Thanks ,

FireStar


	2. Chapter 2

-1Disclaimer: Star Trek in all its forms belongs to the corporations and others. No profit will be made by this fan fiction by others or me. It may not be bought or sold. This is just for our enjoyment and to tie up loose ends that drove me crazy.

Rating : R

Archive: Selek Yes anyone else just let me know where.

Summary: Pride in accomplishments makes certain Vulcans acknowledge their feelings. A companion Piece to A Father's pride and Joy. Spock's POV 30 years into the future.

IDIC- Solutions: Series Part IV

Understanding A son's realization.

The bed turned over in a fit of rage. Spock son of Sarek landed on his backside and was looking up into the face of a very angry female.

"How dare you. How can you say that your life has no value. How dare you risk yourself running off to Romulus. Damn you Spock, you almost died there!"

Spock son of Sarek of the house of Surak looked up into the enraged vintage of Saavik of Vulcan. _She clearly did not understand his point of view._

"Saavik I had no choice. I could not risk anyone else's life. I made that mistake once before. If I am to be a diplomat and use "Cow Boy Diplomacy" The only life I will risk is my own. You were there the last time I involved someone else. Jim and Leonard almost died because of my mistake!"

"Spock you did die damn it!"

_It was at times like these that Spock regretted Saavik entering Star Fleet that almost totally human organization had did little to help her vocabulary._

"Spock you would make a saint swear and I am no saint. I do not know how Captain Kirk and Admiral Mc Coy put up with you. Spock you can not risk yourself you are to important to so many. What would your death have done to Amanda or even Ambassador Sarek?"

Spock winced at this. _He looked away. He knew his mother would have suffered greatly at his death_. _Yet his father he would have simply moved on._

Saavik felt this moment of self pity and glared at her mate. She moved to his side and took pulled him to his feet with causal ease. "Fool you still do not see do you?"

Spock looked confused.

"It took me many years to figure it out. How is it that you who are so much older and wiser missed something so obvious?"

"Elucidate!" Spock demanded.

"Do you remember your first Ponn Far?"

Spock stiffened as he instantly recalled the attack he made on his Thyla Jim Kirk. He _had struck him repeatedly cutting him with the sharp edges of the Lirpa. He had strangled him with the aul and done everything he could to kill the man he loved like a brother. Only Dr. McCoy's subterfuge had saved both their lives. He still saw the lifeless body of his friend at his feet and the smirk on T'Pring's face. _He shuddered. "I recall this? Why do you bring it up now?"

"Your mother made Sarek promise not to re-bond you. He was to give you a free choice in picking your next lover and perhaps mate."

"This is true, so what does this matter."

"Spock, sometimes you are to ….." Saavik looked away. "He allowed you your choice. All those years ago when he was at my graduation from the academy. He did not approve of my choice of career. No he only approved of my choice because it meant I could keep you safe. By giving me his blessing to follow you he was giving you a chance to choose the mate he wished for you. Spock Sarek wanted us to bond. However, he gave his word to your mother so he merely set the pieces, You and I into place. I believe he knew then that there was nothing I would not do to keep you safe ashiam."

Spock was stunned as he replayed the last 30 years in his mind.

"Saavik will not become a part of our family that way." Sarek had ordered even as Spock had considered adopting her as his child. Sarek had seen what Spock had not. That he loved Saavik even then far more then as a father to a child. He blushed embarrassed suddenly. Saavik had only been a child.

She moved to his side. "Spock I was never a child. Not really. Beloved Sarek would grieve for you. It is only his pride that refuses to bend. Spock he was shattered when you died on Genesis. I saw it. He even turned Amanda away his grief was so great."

Spock was _stunned how had he missed this? _"I did not know."

Saavik moved to his arms. "Spock you are precious to many. Perhaps only you would have died physically but many of us would have grieved for you."

He stroked her face. "I did not know." He kissed her as the chimes rang out.

Spock pulled back from Saavik reluctantly. He still could not believe he was bonded to such a fine female. He answered the door and Dr. McCoy stood there.

The amusement in the elderly human's face made Spock raise a brow.

"Well come on you two. We have a wedding to attend to." He said with a smirk.

Spock glared but allowed his old friend to lead him out.

The marriage ceremony went by quickly and at the end Spock caught Sarek's pleased look. _His confusion melted away as he finally understood what his father had planned all those years ago. He now knew Sarek loved him even if he could never say the words. His father had protected him and guided him to the perfect mate for him. He had been willing to grow and accept Spock had a right to make his own choices. Spock knew that Sarek would always be there for him and that he had always been watched over even when Sarek had appeared to be indifferent. He allowed a brief smiled and noted his fathers nod of acceptance. After all it was his wedding day he had a right to be pleased and happy. Showing emotion on this day was more then acceptable. Spock saw the tears of joy in Amanda Eyes and he nodded to her. He just hoped her emotions did not overwhelm his father's controls. _

_Spock Son of Sarek and Amanda Grayson was at last at peace with his family and himself and all it had taken was one small addition to their family. He pulled Saavik close and out of sight of all but his mother and in a very human like manner kissed the bride._

Amanda smiled and reached out her fingers to Sarek_. At last her son learned why being part human could be an advantage._

Amanda heard Sarek's chuckle in her mind and knew he approved.

_Finie_


End file.
